FAQ: Client Interview with Kim
 Please take a moment to read this before hiring Kim
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How long have you been doing what you do and how did you get to be a Celebrant?
To answer this question, it's probably best that I share with you a defining moment and resulting "compelling story" that brought me to where I am today, creating and performing, custom tailored, meaningful, memorable wedding ceremonies.
Many people have asked me over the years how I left practicing law and became a joyful, Celebrant and interfaith minister. A defining moment in my life took place in 1998 when I stood up during a hateful sermon and started to question the minister. It was a difficult time for me. I was a very idealistic, lawyer with very low self-esteem. For the second time in a row, I had resigned from a coveted high profile legal advocacy organization. Extremely depressed and lost, I started attending church. It seemed like a safe, friendly place. As the weeks unfolded, I became stronger and more centered.
So, on the Sunday that the preacher started in on Romans 1:26-27 and I would not passively listen to a sermon that cast lesbians and gay men out of the church. At the time I identified as a lesbian and I was shocked. I kept thinking, “Courage! Courage!” I had come to realize that if, during those two bad job experiences, I had had the courage to speak my conviction things might not have ended up in such a sad situation for everyone involved. In that spirit, I stood up and said, “But what did Jesus say? We call ourselves, ‘Christians.’ What did Jesus say? It was going on all around him. Homosexuality is nothing new.” The minister tried to continue his sermon but I asked again, “I want to know what Jesus said about homosexuality?” Because Jesus never addressed the issue, the pastor had no answer for me and soon his sermon was over. I went to dinner after that sermon and continued to go to church sporadically and most other church members continued to accept and respect me. But it was never the same.
However, I made a commitment to myself to find a way to return to the peace I had found in church in the spring of 1998. I began to study many different paths. I read every book on faith and spirituality that I could get my hands on. I took courses at the Open Center and talked to experts. I essentially decided to become my own mini-expert on peace and spirituality.
And it worked in a way I could have never imagined. Two years after that shocking Sunday, I started a new position, as a contract attorney. Here I learned about the Celebrant USA Foundation. They were introducing a new way to affirm people from every belief system. Instantly, I knew that this was the right path for me. I would have the opportunity to share the peace I had found with people in a non-judgmental, warm and engaging way.
As a Celebrant I have the opportunity to give what I had been denied. My mission is to honor and respect all beliefs and traditions – secular, spiritual, interfaith and religious. Everyone can feel safe with me.
Also, by being with my couples on their wedding days, I now understand that a wedding is an extraordinary event in our lives. It is one of the few occasions where we have the chance to stand in the power of ceremony and notice that each of our lives has meaning.
To emphasize these singular ceremonial moments, I learned not to just read words from a page. Having studied voice over acting with Daniel Japlin & Aria McKenna and television anchoring at N.Y.U with Nancy Reardom, I use this expertise to become familiar with each custom tailored script and convey sincerity and enthusiasm in my performance of each wedding ceremony.
One guest said that I had raised the enjoyment of the ceremony experience to performance art. I found that as I put my heart in the crafting of each wedding ceremony, my life blossomed. I found more joy in the simple fact that I am alive – here on planet earth with all of you -- than I ever imagined.
With this awareness, I decided to dedicate my professional life to helping couples, who think outside of the religion “box,” experience a wedding ceremony that sounds and feels like them, affirms their union and heralds the grand adventure that lays ahead.
Helping people joyfully and meaningfully celebrate their unions became extremely rewarding to me, personally. I was making a difference in people’s lives.
The wedding industry began to hear about my practice and meaningful, heartfelt approach to wedding ceremonies. In 2005, I received the Modern Bride Trendsetter Award, joining luminaries -- fellow awardees like Vera Wang, Carolina Herrera, and Wolfgang Puck to name a few.
And so this is the story of my Celebrant practice. My couples have made me who I am today. Since that shocking Sunday, I’ve established my own spiritual group, worked with more than 300 hundred brides and grooms, spoken in front of groups of hundreds of people and created The Happiness Attraction SystemTM. My life has changed in other ways too. These days I enjoy the company of a beautiful, dynamic man.
Most of all, I cherish ceremonial moments and look forward to infusing my love for life and ceremony into each couple’s wedding day.
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Who are your clients exactly?
I work with people just like you. They are in interfaith relationships; spiritual but not religious or strictly secular. They are good people who usually don’t want a traditional wedding ceremony. They would like something tailored to them – nothing cookie cutter. That said, the people I've worked with come from every belief system and life style.
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What is a Celebrant?
A Celebrant is a professional secular ritual-maker – a community-minded person who is professionally trained to perform a variety of ceremonies to mark life's milestones, including: weddings, renewal of vows, same sex unions, baby-welcomings, adoption commemorations, end of life tributes and other rites of passages. The Celebrant's mission is to create a ceremony that reflects your needs, beliefs, cultural background, values and tastes. The Celebrant USA Foundation and Institute, the only U.S. certifying organization, was established in 2001 in the tradition of Australian Civil Marriage Celebrants, founded in 1973 (www.celebrancy.com).
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How are you different from another "wedding officiant,” judge, or Justice of the Peace?
You are empowered. In a Celebrant ceremony, nothing is imposed. Instead, in a collaborative process, the Celebrant assists the couple in choosing rituals, readings, symbols and music to fulfill their ideals. I am very focused on finding anything and everything that works for you. Because my focus is very narrow, what you get with me is no-nonsense, undiluted expertise on what works for meaningful ceremonies. I've simply become an expert at this stuff and that's why my couples and their guests really appreciate the wedding ceremony (and, in getting to this result, I throw in a healthy dose of compassion, humor and encouragement, which ALWAYS helps!).
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What type of personality do you work best with and what is expected of me?
My Celebrant Ceremony Process was created for couples who are absolutely excited and deadly serious about their wedding ceremony and their life together. It is created for you (and your guests)
Being a sincere, independent thinker myself, I'm known to work best with other sincere, independent thinkers who seek to experience a wedding ceremony that feels and sounds like them. They generally believe that the wedding ceremony is the most important part of their day and believe that the words recited during their ceremony set the tone for the day and the grand adventure to come. They probably have struggled to find the right person to officiate.
Consider what you'll do with me to be another way for you to learn about each other. You will be expected to give some thought to the content of your wedding ceremony. It is a very different way of thinking about your ceremony and I offer full support while we achieve this incredibly exciting goal: a wedding ceremony that is meaningful, distinctly yours and unforgettable.
Celebrant couples come from every walk off life. The one thing they all have in common is that they are seeking a ceremonial experience that is distinctly their own.
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What’s so special about a wedding ceremony anyway?
A wedding ceremony is an extraordinary event in our lives. It is one of the few opportunities to express and appreciate the real values in life – family and human relationships. When they are infused with meaning, ceremonial moments are special. Ceremonies have the potential to mark and reflect the essence of life.
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For what type of couple is this program NOT going to work?
Please know I'm very selective in who I work with and I cherry-pick my couples, choosing to (gently) turn away people who aren't suited for my programs and won't get the results for which they would have signed up for. (It wouldn't be fair to them.)
My Celebrant ceremonies are NOT for those who are looking for a hierarchical or patriarchal relationship with me or with each other.
My Celebrant ceremonies are NOT for those who are looking for the cheapest ceremony available. [If you fall within this category, it's absolutely OK. There are many officiants who would enjoy working with you.]
Another type of person I won't work with (without exception) is the whiner or Bridezilla. If you are one of these people, I gently and respectfully ask that you not call and I hope you understand why. We'll probably just not work well together and I wouldn't want you to waste your time or money. Is that fair?
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Why does Kim perform ceremonies?
Kim says, “Every ceremony I perform touches my heart and reminds me of the real values in human life – family and human relationships. As a Celebrant I have the unparalleled opportunity to encourage people to appreciate their lives, families, and communities.”
What does Kim believe?
As a Celebrant, Kim honors and respects all belief systems – religious or non-religious. Experience has shown that a certified Celebrant’s personal beliefs are immaterial to creating a meaningful, distinctive personalized ceremony. Celebrants believe that customized ceremonies are an important way of conveying a couple’s happiness, and the connection and beauty within society. Celebrants are trained to focus on the values and priorities of the couple. The client-centered ceremony is a reflection and an extension of the honorees at the ceremony.
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What exactly is a Celebrant Kim Kirkley Ceremony and what does it include?
My ceremonies are client-centered. You have word for word approval of the entire script. Creating a memorable, meaningful, personalized, ceremony begins with me encouraging you to think about a number of things. I am interested in your vision for your ceremony: its length, setting and participants. How you would like to feel on your wedding day and how you would like your guests to feel. I would also like to know how you would like me to support you on your wedding day. I encourage you to begin to think about your love story, and what you would like to share with each other and your guests. Then we will arrange a nice relaxed meeting -- in person or by telephone -- where you may choose to share your love story with me in greater detail. At this meeting I will share some sample ceremonies, vows and other options for you to consider. Later, you will let me know what appeals to you. Your ceremony will sound like you, reflecting your values, interests and reasons for choosing each other. Moreover, it will be delivered with warmth and sincerity from my heart for all to hear and appreciate. Same-sex couples are always welcome.
Here's what the System gets you to:
1. Remember all of the reasons that you are choosing each other__The intricacies and complications of planning a wedding can pull you away each other. By working with me to create your personalized wedding ceremony, you have the opportunity to focus on the joy of finding your life’s partner. Essentially, we refocus on what’s most important.
2. Consider and decide the manner in which your beliefs and your families’ beliefs will be expressed__We will consider what you believe and what you would like to share with your guests; what makes your relationship unique, who your honored loved ones are and any tributes you may wish to offer them. We will also spend time figuring out whether you would like to incorporate your parents’ or grandparents’ wishes in your ceremony.
3. Craft your ceremony__Together, we will create a ceremony that feels and sounds like you. We will go through drafts until we get it exactly right-- Your very own wedding ceremony that is meaningful, distinctly yours and unforgettable. Your Elegant Ceremony, Your Way!
4. I will deliver your custom tailored wedding ceremony with sincerity and enthusiasm for all to hear and appreciate.
5. Celebrate! On to a beautiful lifetime together.
These are the steps of The Kim Kirkley Celebrant System™ that I've created after working with hundreds of brides and grooms over the last 5+ years to help them experience the joy a wedding ceremony may bring.
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What results can I expect?
You can expect to:
1. Hone in on joy of your union and the thrill of having almost all of your loved ones in one place
2. Share a compelling experience that will make your guests say, "Wow! That was the best wedding ceremony ever!"
3. Have created the memories of a lifetime and the frame work for a memorable celebration
4. Give your family and friends the chance to know you and your beloved better and therefore, everyone should feel closer and more connected
5. Set the tone for your life together, by staying true to yourself
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Can I contact some of your former clients to see what it's like to work with you?
Yes, I encourage you to! Please go to the Raving Fans page and read all of them. See which ones you feel drawn to, either because the person has gotten the results you want to get too, or perhaps because that person comes from a similar background. Then feel free to email or call them and ask what they got from working with me.
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Kim, based on everything I’ve read and heard about you, I know you’re the one I want to perform our ceremony. What are our options for getting started with you?
Congratulations! I’m happy to work with you to create your very own, meaningful, personalized wedding ceremony that is elegant and unforgettable. So that I can see if I am available, give me a call or send me an email with the exact date, time and place for your ceremony. If I am available, let’s schedule a meeting and see if this is a good fit.
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 Kim Kirkley is an ordained Celebrant and non-denominational minister who delights in creating personalized wedding ceremonies. She can be reached via e-mail at Kim@kimkirkley.com
or 718.753.1993. Contact her today for your free introductory consultation.
Your Ceremony, Your Way
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